Spooning

                And in an instant , her spoon collection was gone.   As the bubbling lava consumed the last of her limited-edition Anne of Green Gables spoons, Susan thought about what events had brought her to this point.  Before she moved to Hawaii, her mother had warned her not to get caught up in a pack of crazy humanitarians.  She never thought it could happen to her, but the “Save Our Volcanic Extremophile Population” movement was just too dang persuasive.  She had been walking through a mall in Honolulu, quite pleased with her recent iPhone screen protector purchase from one of those annoying stand vendors, when she was attracted by unintelligible chanting.  As she drew closer to the source of the sound, she saw a crowd of dreadlocked hippie-folk.  She tapped the nearest one on the shoulder to ask about their cause, and bang, the next thing she knew, she was hiking to the peak of the largest volcano in the Hawaiian Islands with a stack of boards and a bag of nails strapped to her back.  The SOVEP was fighting to protect the extremophiles, and the only way to do it was to set up a commune on the lip of the crater and ensure that no tourists came near.  This was done by stabbing them with pitchforks and throwing them into the crater. 

Other than the threat of instant death by lava splashes, the constant temperatures of 140 degrees, and the scent of unwashed hippie flesh, life in the commune wasn’t so bad.  That is, until, the eruption.  Since she lived on the very edge of the commune due to her lack of useful skills such as marijuana cultivation, she was the only survivor.  She woke up one morning with her shanty on fire.  She ran outside to see the lava flowing throughout the village, melting people left and right, but she couldn’t stop to save anyone.  There were more important matters at hand.  She sprinted to the communal warehouse to get her most prized possession… her spoon collection.  However, she was too late.  The bubbling magma reached the warehouse before she did, and she arrived just in time to see her spoons melting.  She should have listened to her mother.  Damn hippies.

--Sampo Hynynen