Clowns and democracy

She had waited her whole life for this and now she was missing it.

Sure, she was only 7 years old, but waiting is a complicated topic for children. It could have something to do with the way time passes when you’re young.

As a child, when your mom let you play video games for an hour a day you hardly had time to leave the village with your character and fight a single battle. On the other hand, sacrament meeting is a week-long affair for a kid. During church, a child has the time to build a kingdom and determine its downfall before the end of the rest hymn.

Once again, Rachel was only 7 years old, but she had been waiting her whole life. Finally her mom was going to allow her to have a clown at her birthday.

There were 3 clowns in Sebastian, Florida and everyone knew them: Danny Drunk with his german shepherd act, Fozbo and his “freak show” and the most celebrated clown in Sebastian, Pistol Pete with his polar bear.

Danny Drunk was inexplicably invited to hundreds of people’s houses drunk as a skunk. Danny owned a retired policedog and used it in his act. The kids would give one of their personal items to Danny and Danny would “examine” the item to make sure it wasn’t invisible as he stuffed a dime of marijuana into the item. He would then have the child hide their personal belonging in the car and use his dog to find it. Upon finding the stuffed bear or Barbie doll, he’d remove the pot and give the toy back to the kids.

Fozbo had an in with the midget colony in Palm Bay and enrolled them in his “freak show” act. Middle school and high school kids thought the act was hilarious simply because they’d rarely seen midgets, but younger children were mostly scared.  

Pistol Pete was the obvious choice for a clown, but he came at a price. Pistol Pete owned a baby polar bear that he’d bring with him. Every house in Sebastian has a pool in the backyard and Pete would have his bear, Polar Pete jr., do tricks in the pool. The most famous is of course when Pete pretends to shoot the bear and the bear plays dead and sinks to the bottom for a full minute before returning. It’s inevitable that the kids cry initially, thinking Pistol Pete killed the cute bear, but the excitement is twice as grand when the bear resurfaces and cuddles into the crowd of kids as they cheer. All Rachel wanted was Pistol Pete to come and play with her and her friends this year.

Rachel was an only child and was always involved in the decision making processes at home. When Mom and Dad couldn’t decide where to go on vacation, they’d ask Rachel and she’d get the final say.

Rachel’s mom was hesitant about Pistol Pete and tried to explain to Rachel that it was just too expensive. Rachel suggested they decide things democratically, the way they always do. Mom hestitated a moment and then reluctantly agreed to Rachel’s proposal.

Dad walked in and asked what was going on. Rachel quickly filled him in and yelled “ALL IN FAVOR OF PISTOL PETE?” and shot her hand into the air.

Her father’s hand left his lap and was about to enter the air before Mom shot him a look from across the room that could kill.

It was helpful to pretend it was a democracy.
-David LAke