Skilly Willy, Back-Alley Pharmacist

There went my pharmacist… my former pharmacist.  Taking the advice of your meth-head cousin is usually a mistake.  This time was no exception.  “Yay-oh, smack, yip, winky, floople, snap, crackle, pop, whatever you want, I have it,” said Wilifred Williams, also known as “Skilly Willy”.  I probably should have realized that paying a visit to a “discount” pharmacist on the recommendation of a coked-out druggie to get my Vicodin prescription filled wasn’t a terribly bright idea, but the shooting pain in my mouth clouded my judgment.  There’s only so much thinking you can do when three of your molars are missing.  So, I didn’t think twice when Willy told me to follow him up the rickety wooden staircase leading from the back door of Chin’s China Buffet to his so-called “workshop”.  I followed him through the padlocked door.  As I entered, a burst of some unidentified sour odor punched me straight in the olfactory system.  Willy grinned at me, revealing a double row of half-rotted teeth.  He said, “You wait here, I’ll be right back with something that will make you feel reaaaallll nice.”  I could only mumble something incoherent in reply.  Willy went to the back room and started rummaging around. 

One minute passed, then two, then five.  What in the world was taking so long?  Suddenly, I realized that I really needed to pee.  “Where is your bathroom?”  I tried to yell, but “Grrrrmblll uuuhhrrff buuuurrrfffrrmmm?” is all I managed to get out.  So, I opened the closest door I could find.  Fortunately, it was a bathroom.  Unfortunately, it was not in working order, to say the least.  “Well,” I thought to myself, “When you gotta go, you gotta go.”  As I unzipped my fly, police sirens started to wail outside.  “Ah, damn, it’s the cops!”  Willy shouted.  Judging from Willy’s reaction, I figured trouble was brewing. 

Suddenly, a barrage of footsteps started coming up the stairs, followed by pounding on the door.  I thought about going outside of the bathroom, but instead looked to the window.  I opened the window and jumped.  I landed in the trash outside of Chin’s Buffet.  In my haste, I had wet myself.  I heard gunshots.  There went my pharmacist… my former pharmacist. 

-Swampo