Gay Superheroes

It was helpful to pretend it was a democracy.  But in the summer of 2002, there was nothing democratic about Stella’s household.  Her mom had appointed herself Judge, Jury, and Executioner – or, as Stella liked to call her, “Judge Judy the Executioner.”  Stella’s mom ran a tight ship.  Homework had to be finished before TV, dinner had to be finished before dessert, and Saturday chores had to be finished before Festival of Rock.

Oh, you’ve never heard of Festival of Rock?  It was Stella’s favorite weekend activity.  All the great local punk rock bands were usually there:  “Advokates of Satan,” “Bloody Bleeding Broken Hearts,” “The Power Chords,” and of course, the Harry Potter tribute band, “Hagrid and the Nimbuses.”

But this weekend was different.  Every year, the Festival of Rock hosted some big-time group, some huge band that was on the radio and everything.  It was a big deal.  Last year, even “Good Charlotte” showed up.  And this year, Stella was particularly looking forward to hearing her favorite band of all time:  Gay Superheroes.  Gay Superheroes were a revolutionary punk-rock sensation back in the early 2000’s.  All their songs revolved around speculating the sexual orientation of various Marvel and DC superheroes.  Their latest single, “Batman and Robin,” off the album “Do Ask, Do Tell,” hit the Billboard Top 100 charts immediately and stayed there for quite some time.  These guys were a phenomenon.  We’re talking bigger than Limp Bizkit.

Naturally, Stella was excited, to say the least.  She tried as hard as she could to please her mother so she’d be able to make it to the concert.  But then Judge Judy the Executioner found a flyer in Stella’s room.

“What’s this” She asked.  “Who on Earth are the ‘Gay Superheroes?’”

“Oh, that’s only the greatest band ever, Mom,” said Stella.  “They’re coming to Festival of Rock this weekend, remember?”

Stella’s Mom had that worried-parent look in her eyes.  “Well, I remember you saying that your favorite band was coming into town.  But you never mentioned they were gay superheroes.”

Stella rolled her eyes.  “That’s just their band name.  They sing about gay superheroes.  They’re incredible musicians, Mom.  Their drummer Harvey Jenkins is how I started getting interested in music!”

Stella watched nervously as “Judge Judy” walked downstairs.  “What are you doing, Mom?”

Her mother, it turned out, was going onto Google and typing in “Gay Superheroes.”

Needless to say, she was horrified by what she found, and Stella was forced to throw away all her favorite CDs.  Furthermore, and this was the most disappointing part of it all, the concert was forbidden.

She had waited her whole life for this, and now she was missing it.


-  By Chris Wei